TO BE A LIGHT CHASER – COMPLIMENT OR INSULT?

The other day I was told that I was a Light Chaser; I knew that I had been insulted I just did not know quite how insulted I was. I began to investigate what a Light Chaser was. Turns out it is someone who chooses to dwell within the light and avoid one’s shadow self. Upon the clarification of this, I waffled between pride and righteous indignation.

The people who came to this conclusion met me once during a breath work weekend. My son, who for the last seven years has been dealing with some very real and debilitating illnesses, was given a flyer regarding an upcoming Shamanic breath work weekend. In an effort to rid himself of energy that no longer serves him, he mulled over attending this work shop.

What is Shamanic breathwork? Take a Deep Breath: Using Breathwork for Health by Carole Vansickle
Shamanic breathwork combines historic shamanic principles with contemporary breathing guidance to restore balance to the body and release stress. Shamanic breathwork attempts to waken the inner shaman healer within the breather. This is a journey inward, where the goal is to release your inner shaman as you learn to control your breathing and enter a dreamlike, altered state. The session will typically last between one and two hours the shaman inside will attempt to release dysfunctional patterns and transform old wounds.

In my work as a Therapeutic Coach I attempt to facilitate balance to the body, release stress, and help my client rid the negative aspects of themselves that no longer serve them (for more please refer to www.balancemetherapy.net). I knew very little about Shamanic breath work but being the open minded person that I am, I thought I might investigate further.

It turned out that a couple of my friends showed interest in this work shop as well, so together the four of us (Me, my son and my two friends) went. The class size was pretty decent, not too many, not too few, 35, I believe in all. It was apparent that many of the people attending were not only versed in this particular kind of breath work, but had also done it before. After an introduction, the usual setting up the rapport portion of the program and a beautiful meditation our sessions began. We each had a partner; I purposely chose to not work with my son as I thought it best not to. One person would lie down and do the breath work and one person would sit next to them and be the co-journeyer. The co-journeyers job was to assist the journeyer in whatever fashion needed; handing them tissues if necessary, holding their hand, soothing them, basically just being there with and for them.

This all seemed simple enough; basically the journeyer would take quick, big, deep breaths while music and drums played in the back ground. Once the journeyer’s intent was clear and they reached a deep state of relaxation, meditation etc their journey would begin. My son and I were to be the co-journeyer’s in the first session; neither of us were prepared for what happened next. Within minutes, the roomed filled up with deep sadness, agony and wailing. I am not going to divulge what I witnessed that day, as each person in that room was experiencing something deeply personal and sacred. Suffice to say that both my son and I were completely taken off guard. I knew the energy in that room was about to overpower me, though I had sufficiently protected myself before entering the room. I quickly called in my Angelic reinforcements. My son and his partner were behind me, I knew that if I was completely freaked out, my son had to have been out of his mind.

I turned to look at my son, to silently offer him encouragement. He was nowhere to be seen; in his place was one of the instructors. I knew that he was outside the room somewhere in a full blown panic attack. I turned back to my partner who at this point had begun her own journey and she needed me, I silently said a prayer and hoped for the best. I held my partners hand, I wiped away her tears, I administered Reiki and rocked her when she needed rocking. This was powerful stuff and I was so happy that she was releasing what so desperately needed to be released.

During this time I was receiving one message after another, the most powerful one was from my father, (he passed in 1982). I could hear his voice clearly through the howl of agony around me, he told me not to worry about my son because he was with him. He assured me that he would take care of him and would not leave him. I dared to look back one more time to see if he had come back in to the room, He was indeed back, however, he was white as a sheet, his eyes were wide with terror and I could see that he was shaking. I was comforted knowing that my Dad was there talking silently to him. My son’s partner was quietly lying on the floor next to him, there was nothing for him to do but be with her. She later lamented about the fact that her journey was uneventful. I don’t know if divine planning had taken place, but I know that my son would have been unable to assist her had she gone on a journey as those around her did. I will forever be grateful for her love and understanding regarding the situation.

Between sessions we broke for lunch. My first instinct was to walk directly to my car and drive away. However, I was the driver. I am pretty sure my friends would not have been happy! I did, however tell my son, who at this point was less than happy, that if he felt he had to leave, I would totally understand. His desperation to be rid of whatever energy blocks he was dealing with, pushed him forward, a quitter he is not.

As our turn descended upon us, I made sure that I was far enough away from my son that my “Mother’s instinct” would not be a hindrance. The music began and the drums began to beat, within minutes I was transported to the Angelic realm. What seemed like a minute later, I heard the command to slowly come back in to the room. Mine was a very pleasant experience, nothing dark or scary or traumatic. (Fast forward 4 weeks, apparently, this is where the instructors first began to assume that I am a “Light Chaser”. From what I can gather Shamanic breathing is suppose to be dark and unpleasant).

Once fully conscious I looked for my son; he was leaning against a pole with one of the main instructors holding him. He was spent. I decided to hold off any questioning until later. After our session we were to draw a picture of our experience. The only picture that came to me was a picture of an Angel, so that is what I drew. (Fast forward 4 weeks, this is the second reason the instructors judged me a “Light Chaser”).

My son and I talked and processed for a better part of the night. We were to return the next day to process with the group. The one thing we were both pretty solid on was that we never wanted to do this type of work in again, at least in a group setting. My son did have an experience; however, he was pretty sure his experience stemmed from his anxiety, as opposed to an honest to goodness Shamanic healing.

The next day, his anxiety level was through the roof and his nausea was in a heightened state. We broke off in to two groups, my son and I were separated, which was a good thing. In our separate groups we were to each talk about our experience on our journey. I listened intently as each person spoke and was truly touched by the things I heard. These experiences were so healing for these people and I was genuinely blessed to have been part of this. With each person, everyone shared their thoughts. When my turn came, I shared my experience. As I did I felt the energy pull back, no one had anything to say to me regarding my experience, and the instructor was searching for a way to tell me nicely that I did not do the work. I could feel my angels surrounding me in a protective fashion, I thought about defending myself, but decided it was not the time nor the place and it would only fall on deaf ears.

I knew then that I was not an accepted part of this group; I was to suffer during my journey not chill with my angelic friends. I was okay with that, disappointed by their judgment of me, but okay none the less. I truly, with all my heart, believe that there are different methods in which to come to the same outcome. What is good for one is not necessarily good for another. I truly believe that most of the people in that workshop were able to heal from some very traumatic events in their lives. Do I believe that Shamanic Breath work is the only method in which healing would have taken place? Absolutely not. Do I believe that it is a valid form of healing? Absolutely!

I have a gift, a gift of being able to sense what people are feeling, a gift that enables me to see beyond the flesh, a gift that allows me to hear what others do not. I am blessed!

I left that day feeling sad and disappointed that people who did not know me or my life had judged me. They will tell you they did not, but they very much did, maybe not consciously but very much energetically. I really liked these people, they are warm and friendly and they absolutely know their stuff. What they don’t know is the darkness that I have faced head on in my life. What they don’t know is that I have spent the better part of 25 years exorcising my demons and finding the lesson within the darkness. I have come to light for the most part free and authentic.

I have recently learned that it is being said amongst these same people, that my son has taken on the dark to my light, the dark that according to them, I have chosen to not deal with and instead chase the light, and that this is part of the reason he is ill. To those I say, do not judge until you have walked in my shoes, until you have explored the depths of hell that I have. I do know that my son was indeed present for some of that exploration, but I did the work, I endured the dark nights of the soul that ensued because of it. True, it was not Shamanic breath work but it was work none the less that brought me to outcome of the light. For the most part he was sheltered from it. Is possible that he took on some of the energetic spill off? Of course it is possible. Does it sadden me? Yes. Do I believe it is his turn to do the work? Yes. Do I believe it has to be through Shamanic Breath work? That would be a RESOUNDING NO!

I do not believe that every pimple has to be brought to the surface and endured a second time to be healed. There is a process that is called unconscious clearing that I use quite regularly in my practice that is very effective. Other practitioners use other methods that are quite effective. The past is the past and the less time spent there the better, especially the traumatic past. Get in, get out, deal with it and move forward. I don’t dwell in the past much; I did the work at the time. Some people spend a lot of time there; I don’t, not because I am afraid to or because I am avoiding it. Simply said, I have already lived it. Maybe this is another reason why I was not made a welcome participant in that seminar. They very much dwell in the past and in the darkness. I chose the light; in the light I see everything.

I do not know what type of work my son will chose to do in order to break free of this ancestral energy he carries with him, but I do know that whatever it is, whether it be in through Shamanic breath work, angelic healing or anything in between, I will be there for him, shining my light. The light I worked so hard for. The light he has come to depend on when he is blinded by the darkness. I guess some will say that by shining my light, it takes away from the experiences that my son must face. But, my light shines, it shines when it is dark, it shines when it is light, I have earned it, I have worked for it. If my light shines bright for just one person in this life then I am blessed and thankful; if it is my son that benefits from that light even better.

My friend, one of the ones that actually went to the seminar with us said to me today, “I thought our goal in life was to work through the darkness in order to enter the light, doesn’t it make sense that there would be different levels to it all? Maybe you have worked through enough of your crap that your job now is to simply rest and hold the light?” To her I say touché and thank you.

Am I a light chaser?

Compliment or insult?

Judgment is dark, I choose not to judge.

Love, Light and Angel Blessings
Theri

RELATIVES HAPPEN

I have had writers block as of late; or at least that is what I choose to call it. When I decided to have a blog, I promised myself that I would only blog if I had something to blog about. Lately, I have felt blocked, like nothing I had to say was of any relevance. Thus, I have not blogged.

Today, if for no other reason than to practice what I preach. Often times when things seem unclear it helps to put it in black and white i.e. put pen to paper, or in this case fingers to typewriter.

As the world spins out of control around me, I find solace in immersing myself in the creation of my family tree. Metaphorically, this makes sense; a tree, being that of life and creation being that which brings something to life.

I have been so immersed in the project, that my son keeps kidding me that I am going to have to join ancestry’s anonymous to kick the habit. He often tells me to “step away from the computer”, because I seem so driven. When the little nagging in the back of my brain first began to research my family tree, I sloughed it off. Thinking one, it would be a waste of time, and two, what would be the purpose. The nagging eventually got louder and louder, until I succumbed to it and began the research.

Once I put my mind to it, it was as if I had jumped off a cliff and was gleefully falling to the ground. One minute I was content to live my life without knowing much about my family, except for my immediate family that is; the next minute I was completely obsessed. I deducted that there was something I would discover or learn that was necessary to my existence at this point of my life.

As I researched, these relatives of mine, (the ones that had been gone for a very long time and for some decades), were happily standing over my shoulder nudging me to work on their branch of the tree. I had so many names going through my head that I actually had to make them form a line. I had to explain that I could only concentrate on researching one at a time. I figured, heck, they had nothing but time, a little patience was not too much to ask. Of course, that did not stop the pushier ones from jumping in when they saw an opening. I know hard to believe these people are related to me….LOL.

I openly admit that I have an unfair advantage; not everyone has the help of their dearly departed relatives to help them work on their family tree. Don’t get me wrong, I have put in some really long hours of research, but when I am really stumped, I can count of one of them to jump in and give me a clue.

Let me give you an example: My Grandfather (Dad’s, Dad), being Russian, changed his name when he came of age so that it would sound more American and business like. I really don’t get it personally, but times were different then and I am sure it seemed logical at the time. So logical in fact, that some of his brothers changed their last name as well. Thank goodness they all changed it to the same name or this tree would really be a nightmare. Anyway getting back to my story; because of the name change, finding information on my Grandfather was challenging. Everything from before the name change was pretty much wiped out. I knew what the original last name was and was able to find some information on that side of the family. However, I could not find my GG grandparent’s names because I could not link anyone to my Grandfather because of the name change. As I was pondering this dilemma one day; I hear “find me and you will find him”. Uhhhhh, and who might you be? (Good Lord, with as many dead relatives I had around, it could have been anybody), Uncle Roger is what I hear. Really, so how will that help me? No further information came. So, being the good little investigator I am, I began my research in to my Uncle Roger’s death in 1955. It turns out he was killed on a naval ship on November 11, 1955 in San Diego. Apparently there was a Veteran’s Day celebration and the Air Force was doing maneuvers in celebration of the day and one of the planes spun out of control, crashing in to the area of the ship where my Uncle had been. I found the newspaper article relating to his death. At first glance this told me nothing, so once again I ask, “How does this help me”? Read carefully, was my answer. I re-read the article 4 times, nothing. I read it a 5th time and noticed that though I knew my Grandfather’s first name to be William, the name in the article had his first name as Anton. i.e. the parents of Roger Edwards etc. This is odd I thought, why would they report it as Anton?

Can you hear the bells going off? Ding, Ding, Ding. I realized at that moment that he had not only changed his last name, he changed his first name as well. When I re-researched his name with Anton and the original last name, I found what I had been looking for, evidence of his existence before the name change and bonus, my GG Grandparents name and his sisters and brothers name. I even discovered that my Grandfather was actually born in Russia and immigrated with his parents in 1911. This was something that no one in the family was aware of. So indeed, I found Uncle Roger, which led me to my Grandfather, which led me to my GG Grandparents. Turns out Uncle Roger was spot on, way to go Uncle.

I could give so many examples of the help like I received above while working on this family tree, it could fill a book, but I will spare you each and every detail. Or maybe I will devote a whole blog to it, as I am sure there are many more to come. I will wait and see what kind of feed back on this blog I get.

I found relatives in Michigan that I vaguely remember having; these would be my Italian Grandmother’s family. I connected with them and quickly set up a visit. It was a great visit; my 84 year old Aunt (my Grandmothers youngest sister) filled our bellies with homemade Italian food (seriously, was full for three days), stories, pictures and a wealth of information. We (me, my sister and my husband) visited with three of our Aunts in all that weekend. I wrote feverishly as they talked. Much to my sister’s surprise, all the departed male relatives went home with her and insist on serenading her as she cooks. Personally I am okay with that. You see my sister likes to tell people that “we” are working on our family tree, which in reality means “me”, I say it is only fair she get visited by some dead relatives.

Of course my house is full of all my dearly departed female relatives from all branches, (Italian, Russian, and German, which is nice because my husband’s yia yia (Greek) hangs out at our house, so now she has friends). They insist on telling me how to clean and do my laundry. You would be surprised at how many accents I hear in my head, it is like having the friggin united nations rolling around in my melon all day……but that is story for another day.

I have also connected with cousins and aunts from my mom’s side of the family in New Jersey (yes live ones). I can feel a weekend trip to New Jersey in my future. My family tree is far from complete; there is still a lot to discover. And my relatives alive and not so alive are anxious for me to discover it. I keep waiting for the one piece of information that uncovers the mystery as why this is so important to me. I figure when that happens my obsession will stop. Each time I find a new piece of information, I think, is this it? I assume it has not been discovered yet, as here I sit writing and pondering what information I should research next.

Of course there always is the possibility that with all the chaos going on in the world I feel the need to connect. My friend Diana pointed out that the research part of this feeds the logical part of me. I live my life so immersed in what I can’t see, touch, feel or smell, maybe this is just a way to allow the logical side and the spiritual side to connect and work together on the same level. Maybe I will never discover why the need is so strong to do this. Maybe I just have really pushy relatives who want to be heard. Believe me that is not a stretch. Or maybe I just enjoy discovering where I come from in this life time. For all I know one of the relatives I have found might have been me. Can you imagine discovering that you are your own GG Grandparent? Think of the possibilities. But then again, that would be a story for another day.

Love, Light and Angel Blessings
Theri

CHAOS!

CHAOS!

*A state of complete disorder and confusion.
*The earliest condition of the universe; cosmology the unbounded space and formless matter supposed to have existed before the creation of the universe.
*Apparent disorder; physics the unpredictability inherent in a system such as the weather, in which apparently random changes occur as a result of the system's extreme sensitivity to small differences in initial conditions.

Chaos seems to be everywhere these days. I was talking to a dear friend last night about what chaos is. Chaos is for lack of a better term flighty energy. This particular energy is squirrely, disruptive, disorderly, disturbed, and uncomfortable and often carries with it an energy of anxiety. So how does one combat this particular energy?

For some, this seems like a simple problem, for others, an almost impossible task. Some people think they function best in chaos and some people, me included choose to not function in chaos at all. I say choose because, I believe we all have the ability to be in chaos or not.

You see my friend works in a chaotic environment; the atmosphere is chaotic, the people are chaotic and the nature of the business is chaotic. I know this not just because she has told me about the chaos, but because when I get a psychic read on her working conditions I feel like I am in a tornado. She shared with me that while in the mist of this chaos, she often dissociates, checks out, pulls out of her body so to speak and or all the above.

She said for the first time while she was in a meeting she could feel herself energetically leave her body. Though this might work well every now and then, for the most part it is not necessarily conducive to an acceptable level of productivity.

As she talked to me messages where coming in very quickly about the ability to ground. For any of you who have followed my blogs you know that I have spoken about the importance of grounding often. Being grounded serves as a glue of sorts, between us and the earth. Like I said Chaotic energy is flighty and therefore swirls around our 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th and 7th chakras, i.e. waist to head and above. Your 1st chakra is your grounding chakra which is located at the very base of your spine. If we center that energy (ground) it has no choice but to center itself to the earth and therefore chaos ceases to exist within ones self.

I explained to her that going forward when she finds herself in these chaotic situations she needs to immediately step back, take a deep breath and ground herself to the earth. If you think about the fact that the chaos is caused by the mixing of energies in a turbulent way, it only makes sense to take your energy out of the mix. Which of course, is why my friend found it necessary to “check out” at those chaotic times?

Grounding is a simple process; when necessary it can be done in just a few minutes. If you are in a room full of people imagine yourself pulling your energy back through your crown chakra down through your body, down through your feet and in to the ground. There it will connect with the mighty energy of mother earth. Then bring the earths energy back up through your feet, your body and out through your head to connect with the heavens, anchoring you securely to the heavens and earth. Calm will automatically fill your space. It is not important if the other people in the room wish to remain in the chaos, what is important is that you step out of it.

If you are working one on one with someone and you feel the chaos; first send that person healing energy and then ground yourself using the process above. You will find that not only you feel calmer but the person you are working with will become calmer.

If you find yourself in a chaos of your own making; which often happens, take a few extra minutes and sit in a chair. Allow you feet to rest flatly on the floor, now imagine there are thick roots growing out the bottom of your feet, allow those roots to grow thicker as they burrow deeper in to the earth. Once the roots reach the center of the earth, imagine that root connecting with a beautiful rainbow colored crystal, now allow that beautifully colored energy to flow up the roots, up through your feet and up through your body. Allow the lighted energy to flow out of your crown chakra bringing with it any chaotic energy it has found along the way, this energy reaches to the heavens where it connects with a bright white lightening bolt of energy. Bring this energy back down through your crown and in to your body. Now ask yourself “what was all the chaos about”? I think you will be hard pressed to conjure up that out of control feeling.

Chaos can only exist in a fertile environment, grounding yourself daily, or even hourly will block the chaotic environment from your Aura, thus allowing you to sit out of the fray of the craziness.

When practiced, eventually being grounded will be as natural as breathing and as easy as counting 1, 2, 3. People ask me all the time “How do you stay so calm”? I am calm because for me, grounding myself is part of my daily routine, as routine as taking a shower or brushing my teeth. At work I am a grounding force to those around me, I am often looked to when the chaos begins, to be the voice of reason, the calmness within the storm. At home, I am the one that sets the stage, stepping back and looking at things reasonably and realistically. I am able to do this because I am grounded, securely anchored to the heavens and to the earth.

So, the answer to the question “how does one combat that chaotic energy” is simple; Ground, Ground, Ground, Ground, and then Ground some more.

Love, Light and Angel Blessings
Theri

THOUGHTS FOR THE NEW YEAR

Christmas 2008 has come and gone and now we await the arrival of 2009. Yesterday as I was leaving my Chiropractor’s office I stood chatting with the girl at the front desk. I told her I was excited about beginning 2009 feeling good and on the right track. She smiled and said “My friends have told me each year for the last 10 years that the next year would be better for me, and as of yet it has not happened”. I told her that the trick to it being a better year is that she needs to believe it is going to be a better year.

That got me thinking or pondering as it were; if we don’t believe things are going to get better, will they? I am absolutely certain that things could always be worse if we choose them to be. Think about it for a minute, if we choose to complain about the bad in our life, would it not be just as easy to choose to celebrate the good?

Another friend told me this morning that except for the fact that her beloved Grandmother passed away this year she had the most blessed year ever. A year ago this time she was having a tumor removed from her brain; this leaves her with bouts of headaches and the inability to sleep lying on that side of her body. In spite of it, she feels blessed. It would be just as easy to talk about what she can’t do as it is to celebrate her blessed life.

I could not help but contrast the two conversations a mere 12 hours apart. I am by nature a positive person, this is a conscious choice. I remember once when I was at a particularly low point in my life having a conversation with my Aunt about something and she said “You are always so cheery and happy, even with all the adversity you have faced you are still cheerful.” At the time I thought “Are you freakin’ kidding me?” Now I look back and see that though things were indeed less than perfect, I consciously tried to focus on the good. As a matter of fact, I remember being grateful for all the good in my life, even as things fell apart.

I often think about those times and how I survived them; I believe my underlying emotion was a belief that life would get better. They did not get better on their own mind you, I had to put forth blood, sweat and tears, but deep down I always believed that something better was around the corner. This is not to say I did not have those moments when I felt hopeless and shared it with those around me. But I do know that those moments never lasted for long.

So I have to ask myself: is my positive attitude because I believe or did I believe because I chose to have a positive attitude? Many, many, many (and did I say many?) negative people have crossed my path in my life time and I often think to myself; do these people know how special they are? Do these people know how blessed and loved they are? These same people would tell me that I simply don’t know what I am talking about. I can say with all honesty that I do indeed know what I am talking about. These same people would tell me that it does not matter what they do because everything turns to crap anyway. I say to these people “Do you truly believe that life can be more than the crap you are use to, or are those simply words, and believe in you heart that things indeed will turn to crap?”

Believing is an emotion. You need to feel the believing. It is that emotion that sends the vibration of belief out in to the universe. The universe and the divine are more than happy to provide what ever and I do mean WHATEVER we want. Be it good or bad the universe will provide what we ask for. If we ask for crap, crap is what we shall get.

It has taken me years to finally get it; “it” being the emotion that stirs the vibration, and the vibration that shall be answered. How many of us say “I want to win the lottery?” We say it, we use the words, but do we feel it? The odds are that they are simply words, with no real emotion behind it. How many of us say something over and over again with angry emotion and are surprised to find that what ever it was is exactly what we got? A friend once told me “Emotion is God’s doorbell”. How true those words are.

If we dwell in negativity, we will receive negativity. If we dwell in the positive, we will receive positive. I am learning this right along with everyone else. I by no means have an unshakable handle on this. However, I know from past experience that holding on to the negative only brought me more negative. Believing that all would be well, always, without exception brought well being.

How many of us wake up in the morning and thank God for another blessed day? If we do not believe, can we truly be grateful? If we believe that the world is out to get us, how then can we feel blessed? Take a moment and think of all the things that are good in your life, then take a moment to feel the emotion that goes along with that. That emotion is a positive vibration, with that positive vibration comes a feeling of well being. If you choose to think of all the bad things in your life, you will experience a negative emotion and, in turn, negative vibrations and a sense of hopelessness. You don’t have to take my word for it, try it for yourself. Practice feeling the words you say, get in touch with what emotions are present when you are down and when you are up. If it is negativity you are experiencing take the steps to change them.

In many of my counseling sessions I encourage my clients to write down their emotions and then put a word to it that describes their state of mind at that very moment. I don’t just mean negative emotions but positive ones as well. Learn to decipher the difference between the two, and then when a negative emotion arises, take a step back and open up a space between you and that emotion. Then you can choose at that very moment to reframe it in to something more positive.

My husband and I choose to say “I choose not to spend my money on ________right now, I can afford anything I want, and I just choose not to spend it on _______at this time”. Instead of saying “I can not afford that, I am broke”. By doing this we take the can not and reframe it in to a can.

I know none of this is easy, especially when things around you seem bleak, but your world survives within you. It is within your power to choose how you react to things. You can choose to see the bad in everything or see the good in everything. You can choose to speak negatively or speak positively. The effort is the same. By changing a few simple words in your every day vocabulary, you can literally change a negative to a positive.

So this year when making your New Year’s resolution, believe what you are committing to, feel what you are committing to, let that resolution bring forth an emotion that will ultimately raise your vibration and bring to you what you want. Remember if you make a resolution by saying it and not feeling it, then you can’t possibly believe it. Let this be the year that things go your way no matter what is happening around you.

The first step to change is to believe it is possible. You have the power within you. Make the choice for you future be yours.

May everyone have a happy and safe New Year and my all your dreams come true.

Love, Light and Angel Blessing
Theri

TIRED!

For a couple of weeks now my motivation level has been next to nil. I am literally not motivated by anything at all. I can't get motivated to diet, exercise, decorate the house for Christmas, Christmas shop, read a book, learn anything, meditate or even grocery shop. I can't get motivated to do much of anything other than to get out of bed and go to work. For those who know me, you know that I am not an unmotivated individual, so this lack of motivation has sent ripples of guilt right through the stratosphere for me.

As the days pass and the guilt builds up, I am forced to figure out this conundrum I am in. This morning I was telling my husband on the way to work that I am so “tired”. I am tired mentally, physically, and emotionally. I feel like I could sleep for a week. Is there any rhyme or reason for this? I wish I knew. Off the top I would say no. Life is good, I have a great life, a great husband, great kids, a good job and supportive friends. Yet, I am indeed tired.

One thing I have noticed that sticks out like a sore thumb for me is that I have not pondered in quite some time. I am big on pondering; I would even go so far as to say that a lot of my motivation comes from pondering. So why have I not pondered? Because I am tired! Yes, it does indeed sound like a vicious cycle.

Thus, my journey to figure this out begins. As always I first ask my Angels; either they are not talking, or I am not hearing; I suspect the latter. That is not to say that my Angels have not been chatty, just chatty for everyone else. I just don't feel like I have been given any insight to my current situation. Next I ask for a dream that may offer some insight. I asked for dreams, and dreams I got. However, none of them seemed to offer any assistance. That is until I put pen to paper.

Dream #1: I was in a very large arena or round theatre much like an amphitheater; I was inside but outside was a hurricane. I knew that my parents had Garrett, who was still a baby, and I knew I needed to get them in to the amphitheater where it was safe. I went out in to the hurricane to get them, I found them at a house I did not recognize, and they were all in bed sleeping. I asked them why they were there instead of the amphitheater. My Mom lifted Garrett up to hand him to me, just then the hurricane blew the house off its foundation. I was then back in the amphitheater and there were dead celebrities just mulling around. I don't know if I was dead as well, but I could see them. (I know nothing strange about that.) Soon guys with some type of noxious gas were walking around randomly choosing already dead celebrities to gas, which oddly enough killed them again. Then they walked up to me and sprayed it on me, I saw a flash of white light and fell to the ground. I could hear footsteps running toward me, It was Garrett, he picked me up (now I knew I was dreaming) and moved me away from the gas. I told him that they had gassed me; he said not to worry about it because he got there in time.

Dream #2: I was in a doctor's office exam room getting my blood pressure taken. The nurse taking my blood pressure insisted on using a child’s blood pressure cuff. I told her she needed to use the adult one but she did not listen. When she got the results she said “Oh, I must have made a mistake.” I told her, “Of course you did, you used the wrong cuff.” She said I would have to have it redone, and I was to wait in the waiting room. Ted and Garrett were waiting with me; I was irritated because I did not think I should have to wait because it was not my mistake. I knew Ted had a 2:00 appointment with someone, so I knew this was taking too much time. At 1:10 the nurse came out and told me it would be another 20 minutes. I got angry and told the nurse that I should not have to wait since she made the mistake and that if it was going to be another 20 minutes I would need to reschedule. She grabbed my chart and circled the number 198, next to my blood pressure reading and wrote “counseling” next to it. When we were leaving, I looked at the clock, and it was 1:31.

Dream #3: I was standing in the ER that the show ER is filmed in. Nila, who is one of the doctors on the show, was walking around asking for food. She was very, very hungry and for some reason did not have money to buy food. Then she was standing in a room and on a bed stood the most impeccably groomed goat, I had ever seen. Nila, was staring at the goat deciding whether she should kill the goat and eat it because she was so hungry.

And I wonder why I am tired! Good Lord, how much rest am I actually getting?

I will spare you the dissecting of each dream and simply give you what a friend of mine (Thank you, Diana) came up with, and after pondering it, it feels right.

I believe the dreams were telling me: Warning!!! You need rest, to take care of MY needs and to be compassionate towards myself. If I keep taking (voraciously) from myself and entire being, something negative will fatally consume me.

So basically, in a nutshell, stop feeling guilty, let yourself off the hook and just rest, is the gist of it LOL! I lost a night’s rest so they could tell me to rest? Criminy!!!

But as my friend pointed out, would I have gotten the message had I not had the dream or for that matter three in a row, all completely different but pointing to the same thing; most likely not.

I know it seems like a whole lot of dreaming for such a small amount of information. You see my Angels have a terrific sense of humor, and they know that I am going to analyze the heck out of whatever they give me, so as a rule they will give me more than what is probably necessary.

As I am sure you have guessed by now, reading for someone else is so much easier than doing it for me.

I read the first edition of Wings; (www.whatsuponplanetearth.com), and it seems I am not the only going through this need for rest. She writes “The first phase is now complete. We have taken things as far as they can go. We have infused our light, our energy, and much else of ourselves into an old world and brought it up to a very new level. We are now done”.

With that said I guess it is okay to be tired, a lot of work has been done; we have shed most of the old, even if we were not aware of it. A new day is dawning, one of much love and happiness. I just hope I am not too tired to enjoy it.

I welcome any other interpretations of my dreams, so feel free to write me and let me know your thoughts.

Love. Light and Angel Blessings
Theri

An after thought: In Doreen Virtue’s book, Angel Numbers; the numbers in my dream are significant as the following:

2:00 or 200 –Your faith has brought you to a powerful and divine connection with God. Your faith is well founded, and you’re working in partnership with the Creator.

198 –Dive right into your life purpose without delay or hesitation. Take divinely guided action first, and you’ll find that financial support is always there.

1:10 or 110 –Keep thoughts focused upon God and divine love, as you’re creating your reality with your thoughts and beliefs. Engage in creative activities.

20 –The creator asks you to have faith. Even if you can’t see the results of your prayers and actions right now, trust that they’re bearing wonderful fruit for you.

I have not pondered the meaning of these numbers or how they weave in to my dreams, but thought I would share anyway.

The Eye of the Storm

It’s been awhile; this past month has been a whirlwind of ups and downs. The company I work for, which I affectionately call my day job, involuntarily and voluntarily separated 500 employees. My husband and I (we work for the same company) both survived the cut. We found out 60 days prior, that cuts were coming. We were told that the cuts were necessary and that streamlining the company was long in coming. We were also told that no one’s job was safe, and years with the company would not be a factor. I have been with the company for nine years, my husband eight.

To say that this brought up a whirlwind of emotion and speculation would be an understatement. I tried to stay in the eye of the storm where things were calm and tranquil; it was only once in a while that I ventured out into the chaos of it all. During those times, I thought about what I or my husband would do if we were part of the purge. My husband travels back and forth to Las Vegas to visit his kids twice a month, how would that affect their relationship should those visits be scaled back? How would I continue to pay for my son’s alternative care medical bills, how would we pay our mortgage? Would we be part of the ever growing housing crisis? These very scary thoughts sent me running back in to the calm and tranquility of the eye I previously spoke of.

My husband, ever the optimist, continued to stay optimistic. His family will attest to the fact that when he falls in to poop, as a rule, he comes out smelling like not just a rose but a dozen roses. This type of thinking allowed him to stay above the panic. Somehow, he would say, all will work out. My husband will happily tell you that though hard times have befallen him in his life, he has no lingering effects on his psyche. I, on the other hand, have very real and panicky memories of past hard times, so dropping in to that space was a simple hop, skip and a jump.

When the conversation at work or home turned to the different scenarios that could take place, I tried to consciously make the effort to only put good and positive thoughts out in to the universe. My co-workers were understandably stressed. I felt bad for them and heck if I allowed it, I would have felt bad for me. Instead, I asked my Angels how I could help. How could I bring my co-workers into the eye of the storm with me, where things were calm and tranquil? In truth, all I could really do is be there for them if they needed to talk.

I found myself talking with them a lot about being balanced and centered. I knew that though I had no idea what was in store for us, good or bad, being balanced and centered was going to be key. I talked to them about simply letting go and trusting the universe to take care of us. I believe that everything turns out exactly the way it is suppose to for better or worse. In my practice (my evening and weekend job), I talk to my clients a lot about ASMO: Accept, surrender and move on. This was something I now needed to implement, as were my co-workers.

As the time grew closer, I became calmer and calmer, and I noticed my co-workers did as well. I have no idea if I was the catalyst for my co-workers calmness or not. What I did know, or rather thought I knew, was that as each day turned in to the next, I had successfully implemented ASMO in myself. I had surrendered to the possibility that I might be part of the less than 10% the company kept talking about. I accepted that whatever was to be, would be, and knew in my heart of hearts that I would indeed move on in whatever direction life was going to take me. Even so, I could not help but ask the question, “Was I able to ASMO because I knew in my heart of hearts I wasn’t part of the purge”? As it turns out the people who I instinctively knew were going to be part of it, were indeed the people who were let go and I still had a job. I guess I just assumed that because it was information regarding myself I would not pick up on it, which anyone with this particular gift will tell you, is usually the case.

The day we all dreaded finally arrived; my husband unfortunately had to let some of his people go; his stress regarding this was astronomical and painful to watch. It was during this time that I was glad to just be a little ole worker bee. Again, I watched as my husband, though stressed over his people, was experiencing no stress for what could have easily been his last days with the company as easily as it could have been mine or my co-workers.

We lost a lot of friends from offices around the country that day and I can’t help but think about them daily. I will keep them in my prayers and ask that their Angels keep them protected within their wings. The world is a mess right now, and my hope is that all the people experiencing their own private chaos right now will somehow find a way to stay centered and balanced. As for me, I am thankful that my family survived this latest dose of chaos, and I never forget to thank God and the universe for my blessed life, as I am grateful in ways I could never really express.

May all who are reading this right now find their center and be there as often as possible. Try to stay above it, and know that this chaos will eventually end; the outcome is up to each of us. We as connected individuals need to call on the strength within and cement our belief in ourselves, the part of us that is spirit, the part that is the divine, because it will be us that create our outcome, for better or for worse.

Love, Light and Angel Blessings
Theri

When they come to visit

This morning as I was brushing my hair, I looked down at the bottom of the stairs to see my husband's Papou standing there. As per usual, I jumped a wee bit, hitting myself in the eye with my hair brush, (explaining this black eye ought to be fun). You may not think this strange, however, my husband's Papou passed on years ago. This kind of thing literally happens in a split second. So of course when I composed myself (mere seconds) he was gone.

You see I know it was my husband's Maternal Papou because the last time I saw him was Thanksgiving 2006. He was standing behind my husband's Yiayia (very much alive and his wife) watching her eat. When I first saw him, I asked my husband if his Papou was tall and wore glasses. This was of course correct and it only made sense that he would be spending Thanksgiving with his wife and family. Actually, now that I think about it, though there were 16 of us in attendance, that were flesh and blood, there were at least that many that were not. Crowded would be an understatement, but it sure was fun to watch. From what I understand my Mother and Father in-law would be the host of many a family gathering. Keep in mind my husband is Greek, so there was a lot of loud, dancing, singing, laughing and eating. So once again, it would make sense that if a party was taking place, alive or not, nobody was going to miss it.

I find it interesting, that though I never met my husband's Yiayia (Dad's Mom), or either of his Papou's, they like to visit. My husband says it is because they know that I am aware of their presence. His Yiayia likes to open the washing machine when I am in the middle of doing laundry, for some reason this is very humorous to her. I literally stood in front of my washing machine for a full cycle of wash waiting to catch her in the act. It was not until I walked away did the lid open. I swear I could hear her chuckle. My suspicion was confirmed when my husband was getting a reading from a well known medium here in the Cities. She told him that his Yiayia liked to play with me while I did laundry. This of course brought tears to his eyes immediately. He asked her why she liked to do that. The medium said she was telling her in a Greek accent that she did it because she liked my reaction. I told her that was all well and good, but it delay's my laundry washing when I have to keep going in and shutting the lid. She still does it, so I assume this is something she enjoys. In actuality I think she has graduated to locking the back door. My son was none to pleased with her when he got locked out the other day.

My husband and his Papou, the one visiting today, were very, very close. It again makes sense that he comes to visit my husband as often as he can. However, today he was standing in my cube at work and when I turned around it startled the bajeebers out of me. Not because he was there necessarily, but because I did not expect to see someone standing there. Remember this happens in a split second, I don't always get to converse. In this case I had to silently apologize to him because, “Geez, what the hell”, came flying out of my mouth. Totally disrespectful, I felt bad, but I did explain that it startled me. I always say, come visit, but make some noise to tell me you are on your way. I then immediately told him, (well, actually, I told the air), that his grandson's office was down the hall. Yes my office mates truly believe I am off my rocker half the time.

At lunch, my husband asked me why I thought he was here. Ah, there is the million dollar question. You see, most of the time, I have no idea. Is it simply because he wants me to know he is around so that I can pass along the message? Is he here to warn me about something? Is he here to warn his grandson about something? Is he here because my husband is going through a particularly stressful time? I wish I had the answer, I just don't.

It is not always this way. Sometimes, a relative or friend that has passed will actually show up and give me a message. It is not like I see their lips moving while they give me the message, (oh, if only), it is more like, they make it known to me that they are there, usually a split second glance, and then the rest is telepathic. Sometimes I hear their actual voice, (that is my Dad's usual MO), or sometimes I hear my own voice with their words. I know that the words are theirs because I am very sure they are not mine.

I mentioned that my Dad usually lets his voice be heard in my head. That is not always the case. Sometimes, like a few months ago, he showed up in my room while I was cleaning. It was just his face and it covered up one of my Angel pictures. He did not say a word, in my head or otherwise. I could tell he was not happy, in fact he looked down right sad, which of course immediately dropped me in to the place of “Crap, what did I do wrong”. I do this thing I call the psychic alert with my family. I send a text message to everyone to make sure everyone is okay. I end up talking to everyone before the day is done. That day, everyone and everything seemed to be fine. So why was he there? Moreover, why did he look so unhappy? And why did he show up in such a weird way? At first I thought that he was being clever, his way of keeping the family in touch with one another. It was not until weeks later when my nephew was diagnosed with Aplastic anemia that I knew it was his way of preparing us for something and by appearing in the Angel picture, he was letting us know that he was watching over him. Why did he not appear to my sister? I have no idea; I am certain there is some sort of energetic logic to it, I just don't know what it is.

I sit here tonight and ponder about my husband's Papou, and the reason for his visit. From what I can tell he seems to be pacing. His hands are relaxed and crossed behind his back as if in thought. I asked my husband about this posture and he said that it was not a posture that he remembered him having. As a matter of fact he said that it is something his Dad does, who is not related to this Papou.

I pondered, wondering if I had mixed up the two Papou's, and very clearly I heard “No, you got it right young lady”. I knew this was not my thought, because I could detect an ever so slight Greek accent. My husband's Papou did not have an accent, but I think he did it this way, so that I would know this was him and not me. Hey, he thinks I am young, this guy is alright, LOL.

Here is my thinking, he was able to let me know that I got it right, seriously, would it not have been just as easy to tell me the reason for the visit? I guess this will continue to be one of those never ending questions I ask, each, and every time they come to visit. And why the heck do they only show up when they want to and not when I ask? Spirits, they are a quirksome or maybe just an irksome bunch!

Love, Light and Angel Blessings
Theri